One of the most common things I come across with my clients is an underlying disgruntled feeling of being undervalued and unappreciated. Two things are happening here; firstly, there is a lack of recognition and appreciation for all that they do, and secondly, there’s a loss of identity.
As women, we constantly give and look after others. In particular, those of you who are mothers – you put everyone’s needs ahead of your own, you give everything plus more to be there at all times for your children, run the household, be the perfect wife and more often than not, also hold down a job or run your own business. This doesn’t leave much time for you. It is a lot, and over time, it’s not surprising that you lose sight of who you are and what makes you happy.
There are also women who give everything to their careers and equally feel undervalued and become lost. I think the thing is that typically, women go above and beyond, we continue to serve others and don’t prioritise ourselves and our needs. We just accept it for what it is, losing our self-worth and identity along the way.
Simple Ways To Reclaim Your Identity
I too got caught out with this, and it was my coach at the time who made me see the light. I gave everything to my job. I worked well over what I was supposed to, got zero thanks or recognition and was on my way to burnout. Work was all I thought about, and it was all I knew. I had completely lost sight of who I was – my identity was my job. I used to take my uniform off at the end of the day and think ‘now what?’. At the time, I felt small and insignificant. I will forever be grateful to that coach for getting me back on track and becoming Anna again.
There are some simple exercises which can help you to reclaim your identity; reconnect with yourself, and become you once again. And don’t be scared, absolutely nothing needs to give; you will continue to be an incredible mother, wife, boss and employee etc.
Revisit All Of Your Achievements
I’m serious; write them all down, however big or small. What have YOU achieved as an individual? These can be as little or big as you like.
This is such a simple but brilliant way to remind yourself how amazing you are. Keep adding to the list as time passes, you will be utterly surprised at everything you have done in life.
It’s a nice idea to write this list in a little book, just for your eyes. Keep it with you so that every now and then, when you are feeling lost or undervalued, you can refer back to it and boost your ego. If you’re stuck for ideas, ask some close friends or family to get you going.
Create Your Own Life
I don’t mean pack your bags and leave home on a soul-searching adventure but start creating a life outside of the home. Find a hobby – tennis, book club, swimming, the W.I. – whatever takes your fancy. Enrol in a course, learn something new. Find something which fits into your calendar and stick to it. And yes, something will come up but you need to honour yourself. How can you expect anyone else to if you don’t respect your time?
Create Some Non-Negotiable ‘ME’ Time
Ok, I appreciate this might be hard to get your head around, and I can feel you rolling your eyes but bear with me. This is SO important. Block 2 hours (or whatever you can) out in your diary. Call it what you like, it can be a fictional meeting or a doctor’s appointment, whatever, but you must stick to it. And, the best bit? This time is yours. It’s yours to do whatever you would like to do with it. Have a bath, read, go for a walk, meditate, have a facial, get your nails done – it doesn’t matter.
I just want it to be 100% for you.
You wouldn’t let anyone else down, so please don’t let yourself down. This is non-negotiable, and it cannot be removed. The world will not end if you don’t do something, but your family life might if you don’t do this. Most women are the engines of the family; without you, it all falls apart, while you have to look after yourself.
Show Appreciation
Now I know this is all about you, but at the same time, you do need to be aware of your significant others. Just whilst you might be feeling unappreciated and taken for granted, they might be too. Lead the way – tell them how much you appreciate them, thank them for all of their hard work; for going to work each day, doing a job they might not really enjoy but it pays the way for your lifestyle etc. Trust me, your life will change with this simple act. We all need and want to feel loved and appreciated, it goes a long way.
Go Shopping!
What?! Go shopping?? Yes! Shopping. I don’t know about you, but when I was going through this episode, I had no idea what to wear outside of my nursing uniform. I was in it for so many hours of the day I didn’t have a clue what to wear outside of work. My wardrobe was a mess – full of anything and everything, different colours, different patterns (!), different shapes, different sizes, different everything. I had NO idea. And then my coach came over and literally got me to throw everything out which didn’t suit me. It was one of the toughest days I’ve been through; my clothes were my security (baggage) and just like that they were all gone and I was stripped bare. I cried for hours. And then, after I got over the shock, everything changed. I was a new woman who celebrated her figure and herself. So, get a personal shopper, a declutterer, whatever you need and then, go shopping!
Time To Be YOU Again
It’s time to look after yourself because you matter; let’s be honest, no one else will. Prioritise your needs, value your time and your worth. Reclaim your identity and become YOU again.
