5 min readPublished On: June 13, 2023Categories: Conquer & Release

Negative past experiences can cast a long shadow over our lives, leaving us feeling lost, disconnected, and uncertain of our true identity. For many women who have encountered such experiences, the struggle to regain clarity and purpose can be particularly challenging. As a dedicated life coach specialising in working with women who have lost their identity, I understand the profound impact these experiences can have and the transformative power that lies within each individual. In this blog, we will explore practical strategies to stop negative past experiences from overshadowing your present and future. Together, we will embark on a journey of self-discovery, navigating through the complexities of your past to illuminate a path toward renewed clarity, authenticity, and purpose.

Acknowledge and Validate Your Past Experiences 

To begin the process of healing and moving forward, it’s crucial to acknowledge and validate your past experiences. This means being your own support system, ask yourself ‘what do I need right now?’ and before seeking external validation, ask what it is that you want to hear from that person and then tell it to yourself.  Give yourself permission to feel the emotions associated with the event, as suppressing them only prolongs the healing process. Seek support from trusted friends, family members, or a professional therapist who can provide a safe space for you to express yourself without judgement or criticism. Remember that all of your experiences are valid, and it is essential to honour your feelings as you embark on this transformative journey.

Reframe Your Perception of the Past 

The way we perceive our past experiences greatly influences our present and future. As a life coach, I encourage women to reframe their perception of the past. Think of this as putting on a new pair of glasses and seeing your life through a different lens. Instead of viewing negative experiences as failures or setbacks, consider them as opportunities for growth and learning. This process by no means devalues what you have been through; it can transform your mindset to embrace a more powerful and positive narrative. Every challenge you have faced has equipped you with strength, resilience, and valuable lessons that can propel you forward.  By shifting your perspective, you can begin to see these experiences as stepping stones rather than stumbling blocks.

Practice Self-Compassion and Forgiveness 

Self-compassion and forgiveness are powerful tools in the process of overcoming negative past experiences. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, acknowledging that you did the best you could at the time. Release any self-blame or guilt that may be holding you back. Understand that forgiveness is not condoning or forgetting what happened but rather freeing yourself from the emotional burden that keeps you stuck. By extending forgiveness to yourself and others involved, you open the door to healing and create space for new possibilities. A powerful exercise is to write yourself a letter.  The idea of compassionate letter writing is to help you refocus your thoughts and feelings on being supportive, helpful, and caring of yourself.  Practising doing this can help you access an aspect of yourself that can help tone down more negative feelings and thoughts. 

Cultivate a Growth Mindset 

Developing a growth mindset is vital when overcoming negative past experiences.  Embrace the belief that you have the capacity to change and grow, regardless of what has happened in the past.  Recognise that your past does not define you, and you have the power to create a brighter future.  Set goals that align with your passions and values, and view challenges as opportunities for personal development. Embracing a growth mindset allows you to embrace change, adapt to new circumstances, and explore new avenues of self-discovery.  Keep a journal and write regular entries so you can look back and see how far you have come. It is also beneficial to write 3-5 things for which you are grateful as well as listing what you’re most proud of for that day.

Focus on the Present Moment 

One of the most effective ways to stop negative past experiences from ruining your life is by shifting your focus to the present moment. The past is unchangeable, and the future is uncertain. By practising mindfulness and being fully present, you can cultivate a sense of gratitude for what you have right now. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfilment, and appreciate the beauty of the present moment. By grounding yourself in the here and now, you can prevent past experiences from overshadowing your daily life and find purpose in the present.  If you are stuck on how to do this just get outside and walk in nature and look around you; what can you see, hear, smell, taste and touch?


Reclaiming your life after negative past experiences is a transformative journey that requires time, patience, and self-compassion. As a life coach specialising in working with women who have lost their identity, my mission is to empower individuals like you to regain clarity and purpose by letting go of the weight of the past. Together, we will navigate the complexities of your experiences and explore practical strategies such as acknowledging and validating your journey, reframing your perception, practising self-compassion and forgiveness, cultivating a growth mindset, and focusing on the present moment. You don’t have to face this journey alone – seek personalised guidance, support, and a roadmap to discover your true identity and purpose. Through our collaboration, we will delve into your unique strengths, values, and aspirations, unlocking the full potential that lies within you. 

If you’re ready to take the next step towards a transformative journey, I invite you to reach out for a complimentary discovery call, where we can explore how we can work together to create a fulfilling and purposeful future. Remember, your past does not define you, and your future holds infinite possibilities.

“You have been criticising yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” -Louise L Hay.